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Wedded Bliss, ha!
Married life is not easy. I am not blissfully happy. Far from it. After countless tears shed by myself, I have to get it out. It is very hard to share, because I feel like it’s all wrong…I'm supposed to be so happy, with no problems. I feel alone, like I'm the only one who has a rough time in the beginning. I am afraid to talk to even my closest friends, because I'm afraid they will judge me, and my marriage. I am afraid I won't be able to express what is really bothering me. I am afraid to give anyone the chance to say "I told you so." I am afraid that I could be right in that these feelings are unnatural…that something's wrong with this relationship…that it will never work. I am afraid that we made a big mistake. I just don't want to face it. It is eating away at me everyday as I sit alone in our apartment. Every time someone asks "how's married life?" I automatically give my cheery response of "good." But, IT'S NOT GOOD. I am afraid to ask anyone if it's normal to feel like this…because I'm afraid they will say no. And I'm afraid of what to do then.
Married life is not easy. I am not blissfully happy. Far from it. After countless tears shed by myself, I have to get it out. It is very hard to share, because I feel like it’s all wrong…I'm supposed to be so happy, with no problems. I feel alone, like I'm the only one who has a rough time in the beginning. I am afraid to talk to even my closest friends, because I'm afraid they will judge me, and my marriage. I am afraid I won't be able to express what is really bothering me. I am afraid to give anyone the chance to say "I told you so." I am afraid that I could be right in that these feelings are unnatural…that something's wrong with this relationship…that it will never work. I am afraid that we made a big mistake. I just don't want to face it. It is eating away at me everyday as I sit alone in our apartment. Every time someone asks "how's married life?" I automatically give my cheery response of "good." But, IT'S NOT GOOD. I am afraid to ask anyone if it's normal to feel like this…because I'm afraid they will say no. And I'm afraid of what to do then.
5 Comments:
emily, call me whenever you need a judgment free talk. I'm here for you. I love you so very very much.
Hey!
Im sorry to hear things arent going so well. Ill listen if you ever need to talk...just drop me an email. Hope things work themselves out soon!
There is no such thing as "happily married" without lots of "hard work". The notion of wedded bliss is unrealistic and people who tell you otherwise are not living in reality.
M and I are happy with each other but that's not to say that our relationship doesn't take work to succeed. We work out the issues that inevitably come up. Sometimes we do that well, other times we really suck at problem solving together. We have noticed that we suck the most at working out our problems when we are stressed out. And of course, as with most things, it usually isn't the problem itself, but something else going on that triggers stupidity in both of us.
You will work these things out in time. Best of luck... you're not crazy for feeling the way you do!
Thank you Titania, Emily, and Rachel for your encouraging words. I know nobody has a perfect relationship...and we are under alot of stress. We both know we love each other...and we always work things out...it is just hard in the meantime.
Hey Emily. Seems you have been going through a lot and up to much while I have been out of the States.(and unable to read your blog from there)
I'm sorry to hear that married life isn't what you pictured it. I know I can't speak from personal experience but my many married friends have always told me that the first year is always the hardest. You are learning to combine two different ways of living, learning to compromise and learning to cope with each others bad habits and quirks from front row seats. That's a lot of work to do in a relationship all of a sudden! But I know you both love each other and I know you can do it. Hang in there. And if you ever need to talk give me a call. I am here for you!
xoxoxo
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